Sincere question: do tots of today know how to make a phone call? Do they know their own number? Have they ever SEEN A LANDLINE??
Full disclosure, I’m about to indulge in some serious millennial hypocrisy now and fret over the state of today’s YOUTHS. Firstly: Is Santa still a thing? Because I remember a lot more Santa-centric Christmas movies populating the holiday season when I was an impressionable young babe. Is there an ELF for whatever we’re calling this generation of tiny people? And while I never made actual Christmas lists, because even as a 6-year-old I was already a profoundly lazy creature and just assumed my parents had the hookup, I guarantee there aren’t any children making cutesy pen-and-paper lists today. I mean DO THEY EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE PENCILS??
ANYWAY. In light of all this speculation, here’s some news that should be more exciting than it is: cloud communications platform (whatever that means) Twilio is attempting to fulfill every kids sugar plum dreams with The SantaPhone Project, in which you can finally place a call with Santa’s workshop and personally talk to one of his elves about your Christmas lists. Per Mashable, the free service allows you to schedule a call with the North Pole anytime between now and Christmas, in which a merry robotic elf will listen to your wish list and record it for you, Jolly Saint Nick, and future generations to listen to later and think “FUCK voicemails are awkward.” Back in the day, I would have LIVED for this shit. My mother raised me with strenuous lessons in phone ettiquette so I would have been fully prepared for a Nice List-worthy convo with the man in red. Today’s kids? THEY HAVE PROBABLY NEVER LEFT A VOICEMAIL. BECAUSE WHO DOES THAT ANYMORE?
Shouldn’t this Santa communications breakthrough have skipped straight to iMessage?