Could literally masturbating with the Messiah be the purest form of blasphemy? According to a bunch of angry people in Spain, it’s definitely up there.
A sex shop near Toledo caught serious backlash last week for putting up a Christmas nativity in the store window. But this wasn’t your mama’s manger scene–rather than the traditional wooden or pottery figurines, the store owner commissioned the images of the holy fam to be painted on–wait for it–ceramic dildos. One for Mary, one for Joseph, and a bitty one for baby Jesus.
Presumably, these were purely decorative dildos, not meant to be sold and actually stuck into anyone’s orifices. But obviously, you know, the implication was there. And for many, the dick-shaped crèche did not jive with their ideas of getting imbued with the Holy Spirit.
Per the shop’s owner, Héctor Valdivielso, the nativity scene was popular from the start, with people constantly stopping to take photos–but the tide of attention soon turned sour. His shop was vandalized with the word “Sinners;” a church group launched a boycott against the store. Many demanded that he take down the scene, some even going so far as to issue violent threats. “Learn the word ‘respect. “There will be no more warnings,” one anonymous writer said in a note. “Heed my words if you want to see 2017.”
At one point, Valdivielso had to call the police, and eventually, he took down the scene. But he hadn’t been cowed by the threats–he replaced the dildo nativity with a sign asking whether he should bring it back.
Over 78% of 998 voted for the holy dildos’ return. “People asked me not to give in to blackmail,” Valdivielso said. “So it’s going back in the window.”
You gotta fight for your right to dildo-fy the Holy Family.