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Stop Playing Pokemon Go Or We’re All Going To Die (Or Live Longer)

Selin Kilic October 14, 2016 October 14th, 2016

Over population is already a real issue and the jerks over at Pokemon Go just HAD to contribute, because now it appears the game is going to make you live longer! Seriously, no one is going to be allowed to have kids because everyone’s getting all healthy from this f*cking awesome video game and now we’re going to lose more natural resources than ever.

Okay so I’m being a bit tongue-in-cheek here because obviously living longer is a pretty awesome thing, and the fact that you can do it playing with Pokemon is even better. But how much impact can this increase in physical wellness possibly have you ask? Uh, well try adding 2.825 million years of additional life expectancy to players in the United States alone on for size. NBD.

“Million?” you ask skeptically. You damn well heard me right. Over 2.5 million years chasing a f*cking animated animal. Hell yes, we are succeeding in life’s progression the right way. Darwin would be proud (maybe).

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So how could we possibly have come up with this number? Well WE didn’t, because I’m just a writer, but Microsoft and Stanford University researchers did. Bam! I just hit you with a legitimate study, that’s right.

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These researchers analyzed wearable sensor data combined with search engine logs for over 30K individuals over a 3 month time span and blah, blah, blah sample groups and all the typical research sh*t. We’ll skip to the cool part. They found that regular users add 192 steps per day on average and ‘fanatics’ (they came up with the name, not me) averaged an additional 1,473 per day. All together, that averages to a collective 144 billion steps in the USA in just 3 months of usage (i.e. we’ve circled the equator 2,724 times or made 143 round trips to the Moon – who needs Mars after circling the Moon that much).

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Anyway, the point is walking makes you healthy, healthy people live longer, happy people just don’t shoot their husbands…sorry the Legally Blonde set up was too real. To get back to the numbers, essentially the game adds 41.4 days of additional life expectancy per user IF the extra 1,000 steps per day were sustained. Those 41.4 days per US users amounts to 2.825 million years total of additional life. Pretty sweet huh?

Obviously all video games popularity eventually dwindles, so who knows if you’ll make it the full 41 extra days. Either way, Pokemon Go is doing awesome things to power you up IRL.

Source: CNBC

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