It’s November, it’s finally getting cold, and it’s time to fly home for a family meal and a nap in a room that isn’t yours anymore.
So pack up those leggings and long-johns, fill out your Spotify playlist and throw that turkey inside that duck inside that chicken. Now, you’re on your way.
Except wait! How are you gonna get on that flight with sixteen pounds of bird in your backpack? This brings other concerns along with it, can you bring your knives, your apple cider, your gross orange cloud desert thing?! What about the kids, the baby’s bottle? Your collection of e-cigs! Son of a bitch! Why didn’t they warn you??
They did. And it’s actually kind of hilarious.
Let’s Talk Turkey: TSA Thanksgiving 2016 Travel Tips was released a few days back to cover all your holiday questions, including wrapped gifts, e-cigs, and more. They even added some “Tips for Pilgrims” (come on now, how often does the TSA have a sense of humor? I’ll take what I can get,) noting that “large buckles can set off our metal detectors and your blunderbuss must be packed in checked bags according to our packing guidelines.”
And then of course (of course?) they released a full page on the Turducken:
Turduckens can be packed in dry ice for carry-on and checked bags. If you pack your turducken in regular ice, remember that the ice must be completely frozen when going through the checkpoint in order to adhere to the 3-1-1 rules for liquids, gels and aerosols. And last but not least, odds are a turducken in a cooler (or shipping box) might exceed your airline’s carry-on size allowance, so make sure you check with them before you go to the airport.
Even if an item is generally permitted, it may be subject to additional screening or not allowed through the checkpoint if it triggers an alarm during the screening process, appears to have been tampered with, or poses other security concerns. The final decision rests with TSA on whether to allow any items on the plane.
And you claim the government can’t get anything done…please, this clearly took some serious thought! You’ve read the manual, you’ve packed the birds, you’ve practiced your table-yoga and perfected your manners. You’re finally ready for the feast.
So when you’re stuck between a metal detector and a hard place being yelled at (scaring your kids) and getting handcuffed for melted ice…don’t say we didn’t warn you.