Before Beyoncé Knowles was Beyoncé–musical goddess, probable Ilumminati member, feminist icon extraordinaire–she was just a girl with big dreams and–oh, who am I kidding. SHE WAS STILL BEYONCÉ.
You always knew deep down that our reigning kween was perfect from birth, that even her awkward phase served as evidence of intelligent design and a benevolent God, but now we have definitive proof.
London auction house Ted Owens has just announced that it will be selling 2 and 1/2 hours of “never-before-seen” footage of a ten-year-old Beyoncé’s days as the frontwoman of teenybopper hip hop group Girls Tyme. And from this preview they’ve released, it seems that Beyoncé circa 1992 wore braces and scrunchies and STILL somehow managed to slay.
Check out the clip:
Anybody else suddenly struggling with feelings of inadequacy? HOW CAN ONE CONVEY SUCH DIVALICIOUSNESS WHILST WEARING RAINBOW STRIPED BERMUDA SHORTS? But I digress.
Ted Owens values the video set at a casual $3.8 million, released–get this–on 12 BETACAM CASSETTES. 12 motherfucking cassette tapes.
And, provided you have actual buttloads of cash, they can be yours, all yours.
God bless whoever buys this. We can only hope they’re a benevolent Beyhive billionaire, who, after binging on all the early Beyoncé content themselves, will share their rare, historic gem with the world.