Tech CEOs are known to have monstrous egos. Steve Jobs was infamous for his megalomaniac antics, and Elon Musk seems to think he’s the smartest thing since sliced bread. Now we have Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook and owner of all of your personal data, memories, and friendships, going around saying that he thinks Facebook has replaced religion.
The Zuck has just wrapped up his listening tour around the United States, a move which prompted some to think he’s considering running for president. That’s unlikely, since he’s already wealthier than most small countries and, anyway, who wants the stress of running the trainwreck of the US? He’s got much higher aims: Mark Zuckerberg wants to be God.
Here’s what he said during a speech in Chicago, which a sagely glint in his eyes, his normally crackly voice turning deep and buttery with the wisdom he’s gained on his travels: “As I’ve traveled around and learned about different places, one theme is clear: Every great community has great leaders. Think about it. A church doesn’t just come together. It has a pastor who cares for the well-being of their congregation, makes sure they have food and shelter.”
Algorithmic Sorting Hats
Now Facebook has developed what can only be described as an algorithmic sorting hat, an artificial intelligence software to accurately suggest groups that are meaningful for you. In his words: “We started building artificial intelligence to do this. And it works. In the first 6 months, we helped 50% more people join meaningful communities.”
It’s hard to say how they measured “meaningful communities”– the only facebook groups I’m consistently active in are centered around chihuahua memes and early 2000s nostalgia posts. Are these my new church groups? Will there be a choir singing Britney Spears?
The Church of Facebook.com
If the leaders of these groups are harboring in the new wave of digital divine, doesn’t that make the CEO the almighty Creator? The omniscient one who sees all things? Will confessions be held via messenger?
Maybe Zuckerberg thinks in lofty terms, but he’s still a man of flesh. And he thinks he’s going to solve big problems with the Church of Facebook, perhaps even bring us to salvation.
And so He said: “If we can do this, it will not only turn around the whole decline in community membership we’ve seen for decades, it will start to strengthen our social fabric and bring the world closer together.”