Y’all need to stop with these coffee trends. Coffee & tonic. Nitro brew. Draft lattes. Bulletproof coffee. Selfie lattes. Matcha lattes (yeah, there’s no coffee in this one). Stop it. Please.
And then someone goes and takes the coffee thing to the next level. How, you ask? How could there be any more cooks in this kitchen, rather, baristas behind this bar. They do what the great people living in the 21st century always do when confronted with any consumable item, food or beverage. Just throw an avocado at it.
That’s what some Aussies did in a cafe in Melbourne. If you check out their Instagram, they are an otherwise completely normal hipster brunch spot. French toast, poached eggs, porridge made with ancient grains. Normal lattes made with vegan almond milk. Obviously all plated perfectly. But then, scrolling through, you come across something in that looks alright at first glance, and then odd on the second, and by the third… Oh god, now you’ve realized what it is. Is that an avocado? Why is there brown liquid in it?
This leads us to speculate about WHY. Why would anyone ever go through the effort to create something so gauche, so pretentious, so absolutely extra? Here’s a few reasons why:
The price of avocados
Avocados are pricey. I remember seeing a sign in a bodega in Brooklyn advertising, “2 for $6!!” like that was a deal. And then as friend in Sydney told me that Australian avocados were going for $7 a pop at a local market. It’s not surprising they want to scoop some out to serve with a sun dried tomato and goat cheese omelette, and then use the peel, since, hey, that’s a gourmet cup.
The price of lattes
Lattes have soared over the $5 mark, and forget it if you want to change the type of milk or add a shot. Now, think like an economist about this: If you’re adding a pricey avocado in the mix, you can easily charge upwards of triple that price. That glimmer in your eye is starting to look like dollar signs…
It’s already a thing for people to bring their own mugs to their favorite local coffee shop. Sometimes they get a discount, sometimes they just get the sweet taste of environmentally good karma. With the perspective, avocados are basically biodegradable to-go cups. They might be reusable too, but we haven’t tried that yet.
It’s a joke.
In times of fake news and alternative facts, I get to decide what I feel like believing in. Maybe these guys are kidding. But does it matter whether or not it’s a joke if people have already copied the trend? It looks like the avolatte is as real as can be.