Breaking up is hard to do–particularly when your SO is so creamy and delicious.
One anonymous woman experienced the salty-caramel tang of heartbreak last week when she discovered that her favorite local gelato place, Gelato Messina, had the audacity to be closed at 6 PM on New Years Eve.
6 PM!!! ON NEW YEARS EVE!! This is a special time, a time to spend with loved ones. Messina had been her constant companion, her bosom friend, for years. And now they’re CLOSED? All she wanted to do was ring in the New Year cozied up with a precious pint of Fudge Mint, and Messina had abandoned her. During the HOLIDAYS.
So naturally, she left an angry, emotionally vulnerable voicemail on the shop’s machine. Check it out:
God, this hits a little too close to home. Remember the last time you drunk dialed your ex? Yeah, me neither. But they probably sounded something like this: “Messina was there for me during the hardest times of my life. It was there for me when I had the happiest times of my life…It’s been a tough year and I really wanted you to be there.” MESSINA WAS EVEN THERE ON HER GODDAMN WEDDING DAY. FOUR FLAVORS. IN A CART.
This woman had made plans with Messina! Plans to “buy at least a litre and a half of Messina, as I do every week, and sit on my couch and eat it, and make new years resolutions to never eat it again.” As you do.
She doesn’t think Messina really is sorry for being closed. The lying bastards. So she breaks it off, saying, “I’m just sorry it had to end this way…I guess this is goodbye. It was fun while it lasted.”
But because gelato is such a seductive beast, she’s begging the shop to take her back, not even 20 seconds later. Gelato: the fuckboi of the dairy world.
Stay strong, whoever you are. You can find a new gelato place, that won’t let employee time off come between it and your belly.