50 Things More Erotic Than The FIFTY SHADES DARKER Trailer | YUYU YUYU

50 Things More Erotic Than The FIFTY SHADES DARKER Trailer

YUYU Staff February 14, 2016 February 23rd, 2017

The FIFTY SHADES DARKER trailer dropped yesterday, and thusly did untold legions of ladyboners deflate along with it. Despite its BDSM sex dungeon of a premise, the Twilight-fanfic-turned-blockbuster-trilogy seems to largely involve Mardi Gras masks, broody posing, and rhetorical questions.

“Intrigued?” Christian mumbles at one point, smirking into Anastasia’s delicate ear whilst capable actress Dakota Johnson questions the decisions that led her to this role.

Nah. Not really.

True story: The History Channel has made me hornier.

Here are 50 things that are definitely sexier than the 50 SHADES DARKER trailer:

    1. Fancy mayonnaisemayonnaise

    2. Michael Cera circa 2005

    3. Sneezing 4 times in a row

    4. Tampax Pearl

    5. This picture of Meryl Streep as a cannoli

      teofstreepthe devil wears ricotta is a special request to my special birthday girl, so everyone wish @kateminahan A FABULOUS DAY ✨ #cannoli #meryl #merylstreep #friday #chocolate #italian #nyc #ny #la #goddess #thedevilwearsprada #prada

      instagram @tasteofstreep

    6. Puppet shows

    7. This emergency exit map


      It looks like a vagina.

    8. Taurus’s September Horoscope

    9. Getting a mammogram

    10. Successfully blaming a fart on someone else