You’ve most likely walked the surprisingly-reasonably-priced and whimsically-decorated aisles of Trader Joe’s before. You’ve probably picked up some produce, maybe a punny cereal or something before. But did you know, that this very grocery store is capable of curing you of existential dread forever! Read on to find out which products to buy for your specific type of emptiness.
- Vegan Corn Dogs
The way “Corn Dogs” is written like someone squirted it from a fresh bottle of Ketchup should be enough to lift your spirits. But even more, the cornbread on these guys is just perfect for swabbing up snack time tears.
2. Apple Blossoms
Well, these guys go from frozen to ready in 60 seconds. So, that’s not enough time to get lost in a downward spiral in your head while your waiting for the microwave to be ready.
3. Pepperoni Pizza Mac & Cheese Bowl
Hey if there is a world that allows for you to buy and eat this, not just drunkenly make it in your kitchen at 2 am, then that’s a world full of endless (amazing) possibilities!
4. Cookie Butter
The surprisingly creamy yet gritty texture of cookie butter melts in your mouth, and can help melt away your fears of the future.
5. Mango Sorbet
This sorbet is so tasty it might even distract you from the rising global temperature. Until you look at its packaging and see it’s sourced from North Queensland, Australia. Wait… Maybe skip this one. Or forget I said that.
6. Soy Creamy Cherry Chocolate Ice Cream
This one goes out to all those lactose intolerant folks looking to dip their toes into the ritual of crying into a pint of ice cream.
7. Roasted Garlic & Onion Jam
Have you always felt like something was missing? From your life? How about from your sandwiches? This little condiment has been reported to solve one OR both of those issues.
8. Somewhat Spicy Dill-Flavored Kettle Cooked Chips
A little heat, but not too much for your fragile tastebuds and fragile grasp on reality. We know you’re already overwhelmed by the weight of things like your student debt, that you forgot your mom’s birthday this year, etc. etc. These chips have you covered.
9. Avocado’s Number Guacamole To Go
Some days the slicing into an avocado and mixing all the ingredients together is enough to really tire a person out! These tiny to-go sized guacamole containers really help in avoiding that inordinate process.
10. Partially Popped Popcorn
For those times when you are just searching and searching and searching for the perfectly popped piece of popcorn… if only you could find that perfectly medium-popped kernel then everything would just be okay…Well this is a whole bag of ’em.